1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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