my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
