I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
