I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
