The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
