I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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