You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
