Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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