Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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