I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
