So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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