I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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