a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
