matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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