Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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