That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
