Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
