I'm eating all of the evidence.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
