five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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