well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
