Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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