Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
