My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize