sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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