I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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