we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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