# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize