I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
