My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Everything about him screamed your future.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
