turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
MIDGETS
????
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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