id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
