We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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