I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize