I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
