If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize