He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
