let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
