Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
