Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You're like the curious george of whores
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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