I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's even glitter on my cock...
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