is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
