ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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