You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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