I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I just sharted jello shots
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