the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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