I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
