Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
