You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
