Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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