I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
