Can i not drive my cunt home
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
