She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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