I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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