Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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