Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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