I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
