I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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