Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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