so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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