I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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