D3 body, D1 cock
Can Purell be used as lube?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
