I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
