Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No subtext here. People are naked.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
