You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
