I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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