Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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