Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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