Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
