We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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