I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
